What Do Republicans Want? Dear God, What Do they Want?

Medical science finally has answered Sigmund Freud’s plaintive inquiry about what women want, and it turns out it isn’t a penis. The same cannot be said for obstructionist Republican Congressmen, who barely can walk without tripping over their Vote-No erections.

Republicans don’t want bipartisanship… unless it is redefined as ceding them the power that voters withheld.

Republicans don’t want the economy to rebound… unless it restores the same economic imbalance that caused this crash in the first place.

Republicans don’t want empowered Democrats to socialize America… but think it’s OK to socialize banks, especially those they patronize.

And Republicans absolutely do not want President Obama to succeed, in spite of lockstep lies to the contrary… their noses are the only things growing more wood than the parties in their pants.

What DO Republicans want? They aren’t saying, leaving us to infer from their stodgy behavior that they are engaging in political wet dreams. Let’s take a peek inside their Rip Van Winkle heads, shall we?

Republicans want Barrack and Michelle to fall out of love and behave like normal Presidential couples… smile all the time with the aid of pharmaceuticals, or smile inappropriately without it.

Republicans want the President to, just once, (that smug upstart), try to exit a podium through a door that some prankster on the other side has locked.

Republicans want the electorate to return to the grindingly hopeless mindset that only government lies, secrecy and hypocrisy can sustain. (Why would they wish something so awful on us? Because secrecy makes self-aggrandizement easier, the lazy bastards.)

Republicans want to replace the last Wall Street Pyramid Scheme that left millions empty-handed with a newer, ground zero Pyramid Scheme that they can milk for another 10 years until it collapses… again. (Next time they’ll open their Swiss bank accounts well in advance of the final sucker-call.)

But the one wet dream Republicans most want fulfilled, the one that boosts them even more than their No-Vote Viagra… is a coup d’ etat.

If you don’t like my inferences, make your own. Republicans, like Freud’s women, are maintaining an aura of mystery.