Is that a Facial Tic, or Are You Just Glad to See Me?

Heck! Shucks! Darn!

If I weren't so smart I might have been flattered by Sarah Palin's appeal to the Joe Six-Pack in me, and the implicit reassurance that it's OK to be narrow-minded, uneducated, and sound asleep at the smarts wheel.

But don't ya know, I am confident of my identity and don't need parental figures in the White House. I don't need charming gambits like evading a tough question by answering a different one, nor do I interpret this as standing up to meanies in the media. I don't need the smoking spectre of a "second holocaust" blown up my ass. And I definately, positively, absolutely do not need a wink.

Gosh, I guess that's why Sarah Palin's performance in last night's Vice-Presidential debate failed to impress me. So what if she didn't trip and fall as she walked onstage? So what if she remembered to include all the buzzwords her debate handlers force-fed her? So what if she didn't crack under pressure and blurt out that Jesus wants America to elect John McCain?

Sarah Palin continues to skirt issues that are critical to the future of America. True, it isn't easy to explain McCain's claim that our economy is strong, made on the same day it tanked. But invoking the dead spirit of Ronald Reagan with her "There you go again" assertion that we should just forget the past and move on is contradictory. It's also an evasion, not an answer.

A question, Ms. Palin: In all those magazines you read, and in that vast array of reference material you rely on, did the phrase, "He who fails to understand history is doomed to repeat it" ever pop up?

Anyone who thinks it's a good idea to ignore the Republican failures that have taken root in American soil shouldn't expect to become my gardener, much less my Vice President.

And don't claim, Ms. Palin, that the constitution provides for "more Vice-Presidential powers" after we have suffered through eight years of Dick Cheney's malevolent influence. We won't be needin' any more brazen assaults on our constitution, Ma'am.

It doesn't matter that Sarah Palin can act the part of my mommy, my teacher and my friend. If she shucks and darns McCain into office, America will have to climb out of our quicksand economy under the guidance of the same deregulation spokeman who helped sink it. America will have to extricate itself from Iraq by repeating the same mistakes and expecting a different outcome. And most disappointing of all, America will lose the opportunity to insert the crowbar of reason into the Republican weld between church and state and pry it apart... separate it, in fact... as our constitution demands.

So, don't wink at me, Sarah Palin. We're electing a Vice President, not a flirt.