Republicans Just Wanna Have Fun...

OK, all you Democrats having hissy-fits because John McCain appointed a scene-stealing beauty queen for his VP… don’t you know that Republicans just wanna have fun?

By planting Sarah Palin’s glowing peach of a face next to his, McCain isn’t just flipping a fun-loving bird to concerns about a 72-year-old cancer survivor in the White House. Since Sarah makes him look like even more of a reanimated cadaver than he already does, he's gambling that America will get the joke that Sarah is way more interesting than all those dumb economic issues that threaten us. Let’s all wave a flag and dance the two-step!

And my goodness, even if we don’t feel happy, can’t we at least act as if we are? Let’s stop reading into the somber, heart-breaking expression on Bristol Palin’s face as she stands before the cameras, her pregnancy concealed by a baby brother and a big blanket, that she might be feeling lost and confused. Let’s stop wondering what on earth that poor, exploited child might have been thinking. Get with it… who cares about one pregnant girl’s happiness when everyone is onstage having so much fun, secure in the knowledge that everything happens for the best in this best of all possible worlds?

Just get over it, Dems, that McCain has a woman VP candidate and we don’t. Let’s all be good feminists and support Sarah because she has a vagina. Let’s ignore her 2006 statement that she would oppose abortion even if her own child had been raped, because she always “chooses life.” And isn’t it lucky that her abstinence-only sex education views will likely result in so many more of those lives, as demonstrated by how well abstinence deterred teenage pregnancy in her own family? And holy cow, Democrats, let’s not make a federal case out of it because, at the time Governor Palin made her comment, Alaska's rape rate was an abysmal 2.2 times above the national average and 25 percent of all those rapes resulted in unwanted pregnancies.

And just shut UP, you Hillary supporters who feel insulted that Palin has a shot at the White House without having supported any of the feminist issues to which Hillary Clinton devoted a lifetime of talent and passion. What are you… humorless bra-burners?

Admit it, you wimpy Dems... plenty of our relatives, neighbors and coworkers have cockamamie views, which we tolerate and wouldn't dream of challenging. What's the diff if the leaders of our country also have some wacky views... like, global warming is a natural occurrence that has nothing to do with pollution of the atmosphere and our assault on the ozone layer, that creationism should be taught in public schools as an alternative to science, that polar bears should be taken off the endangered species list, etc. etc. Are you scared because leaders whose views defy logic are in a position to legislate and control our lives? Then, lighten up and do what Governor Sarah does... deny your human vulnerability... board that plane even though you have already started labor... and become what every patriot adores, a cowboy... or cowgirl. Yee-Haw!

Join the Republican fun-fest and get happy, Democrats. Through sheer genius and force of will, the Republicans have generated a blizzard of speculation to distract voters from the past eight years of scandal, stupidity and outright larceny perpetrated by the Bush administration. Wow! How fun is that!

Let’s all lower our expectations… sharpen our shit-swallowing skills… and practice ignoring the real issues facing the world, our nation and each other. Otherwise, we might have to ask ourselves… did we really think this election would be a day at Disneyland? Did we really think the moral corruption of the past two Republican terms would just go away after November 8th? Did we really think we wouldn’t have to face the Republican steam-roller and fight to take back America?

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Quote of the Day: A feminist does not support another woman because of her sex, regardless of her views; a feminist supports another woman because of her views, regardless of her sex. – Pat Kaye