Jogging in Neverland
Two of my favorite women on earth recently had their first babies. One of them is pregnant again. Both women are strong, independent and intelligent. Both have journeyed far in pursuit of their hopes, dreams and ambitions. And both of them seem markedly different since becoming mothers, as if they have moved into a parallel universe called parenthood, while Peter and the rest of us kids are still jogging in Neverland waiting to sprout our donkey ears.
As a best friend, aunt and observer of life, I am the one lacing up my running shoes, wondering what kind of food they served on that Mommy boat I missed, jogging alone in the state of childlessness. Wow, it’s really fun here… I can buy cool stuff like metallic gold eyeliner. I have time to put it on and places to go where I can wear it. But as I jog around and around until my calf muscles merit “hot mama!” praise from Captain Hook, I can’t help but wonder: Do mothers experience a uniquely transforming experience, a trial-by-fire initiation into a level of maturity only a mother can achieve?
Moms? Are you reading me? I need some answers here. For starters, after courageously taking those risks that made you strong and independent, are you now, as it appears from back here in Neverland, completely surrendering your hearts and souls to nurturing your babies? If the answer is yes, does it make you feel connected to the universe by the same long, genetic string that puts sparkle into the stars? Or, (maybe and/or) do you understand why Andrea awoke one morning, made her husband's lunch and kissed him goodbye, filled the bathtub and methodically ran down all five of her babies?
Moms, now that you no longer are going on auditions, winning awards, slaying dragons, wearing hot pants and looking good in them, do you still know who you are? Are you proud of yourselves?
Alice Walker says that childbirth is heroic and all mothers are heroes. “Look around,” Ms. Walker says. “Every person you see entered this world through a woman’s body.”
Neverland pales.
posted by Yakpate at 1:58 PM
1 Comments:
Oh, hell no. You did not just write that.
Neverland? A life that pales in comparison? Geez, Pat. You're my rock in this area, don't leave me now! LOL
The way I view my childless life is that it's not right or wrong, it's just different. Just because women can have babies doesn't mean they are less female if they don't. You mothers may disagree with me, and that's fine. That's your perspective, and I respect that. No offense taken. Having children is an amazing experience, and I do understand there is nothing else like it.
But to say that my life pales in comparison? I beg to differ.
Some women spend girlhood dreaming of their weddings and what names they will give their children. I sometimes thought about those things, but it always made me uncomfortable, because it just didn't fit with who I am. I saw further evidence of this when I was managing employees - nuturing is just not my cup of tea. I work best solo.
As much as I would love to give my mother a grandchild, a big part of me realizes there's a good chance she would find the baby on her doorstep, with me nowhere to be found. Honestly, that's the biggest reason I would want to have kids, because my mom deserves the joy of being a grandmother. But I know who I am. I have great qualities, but I'm also very impatient. I get frustrated easily. I require lots of quiet alone time. And if I don't get it, look out. Who could subject a kid to that kind of behavior from Mommy?
Even my astrology - both western and Chinese - say that at best, I would be the kind of parent who would provide unconditional love and sunny affection, but in a distant way. Kids need more than that. There's no way in hell I'm going to bring a child into this world unless I'm 100% sure I could give it all the mothering it deserves. A distant mother is something nobody deserves.
That being said, maybe someday I'll find a man who can fill that role. There's plenty of them out there. And maybe I'll have the "I want to have a million of his babies" feeling I've had before, although the guys I felt that way about were ultimately determined to be too irresponsible to hold up their end of the bargain, much less fill a nurturing role.
But if I don't find this man and I don't have children, I can't imagine feeling like I'm less of a person.
Of course, I understand that I'm still able to have children, and come menapause, that feeling could change.
But for now, the thought of passing human shoulders through my coochie, never again getting 8 hours of sleep and knowing that no matter how much I love my children they could still break my heart is not appealing, no matter how much I know I could gain from the experience.
That being said, I am anxious to hear what the mothers have to say. Like I said, I don't think there's right or wrong here, just different. And certainly, interesting. Being a woman is so much more complex than being a man. Thank god I got both chromosomes!
3:20 PM
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